爱情像盛开的玫瑰

sometimes we struggle on to keep a faith, keep believing.
but theres always this one day that we stop finally.
its not about the patience, just the bleak future.
when you see nothing ahead, darkness and uncertainity.
i so want to struggle on, fight on…
even the slightest motivation from you could drive me on.
but sometimes… im tired, too tired.

maybe i will hold on,
maybe i will wait on,
maybe i will stay on,
till the day i can no longer.

ps. heard X clamp is back in publish again. couldnt wait. but book 18.5 really killed me badly…

IT ENDED WITH FUUMA WANTING TO STAB KAMUI.
shit.

and with kamui saying…
即使伤害了想在的封真我也要把封真带回来。
so cool right…

damn im already waiting for 19 with such big heart now.
sigh.

第一次被你紧紧拥进怀里的幸福，
我知道我永远都不会忘记，那时的温暖。
真的很可惜，选择了这样的结束。
可是，我很快乐，现在的我真的 很快乐。
以后都不会再见到你了。

singapore team de olympics journey have ended with li jia wei losing the bronze playoff with guo yue and coming up 4th with china taking all 3 in table tennis. i think its alright actually.. she is really upset i guess but to me shes the best she did her very best.

win is bonus lose is experience.
and they will be back on monday, i am going to the airport for my wang yue gu! and feng tian wei and li jia wei lah. hehes they are our heroes i feel…
team singapore has a much more successful olympics den expected.
loves

i did something silly yesterday…
met edwin for dinner at mac. late dinner.
and 2 koreans were sitting beside us. LIKE LOL.
i actually snapped one photo ok will post it when im in a good mood. haha.
ok thats not the stupid thing.. after they left we followed.
and i shouted ANYEONG HASEYO! :X
and ed say one of them looked back ^^
i dont think they saw me, probably just saw ed. kekeke.

and freak, we kanna scare by the guard at china square.
dreamtalk till… kns. OIE us maybe like 3 times? nabeh!!!

just talked to charmaine shes safely in london now! feels so weird to think shes not coming back so soon sent me the photos and yes even photos of my eye candy~ his name is jacob. keke. char doesnt know his korean name either, sad.

i think it must be the k-blood in me.
oh well, yesterday i couldnt keep my eyes on you because i thought u’re not so korean-looking. but the aftermath is… today i couldnt keep you off my mind.

JUST KIDDING.

we all know i only think about a silly cow.

some people no matter what they say or do i dont feel a single thing.
some people the smallest thing they do sent my heart going doki doki.
whatever lah crap.

ill be patient and wait.
afterall…… u are a silly moo.

im pretty happy today actually. i dont know why either but just a little lighter today. ^^ m

this is gonna be a pretty long post since im now waiting for the table tennis semi finals to begin.. so please bear with me ok?

charmaine is on the plane now, to frankurt and than to london.
and so last night kaishi and me went to terminal 3 to meet char, and joined by tony and germaine. it feels kinda funny.. the first time i came back from korea, it was at terminal 3 too. alot of memories just flew right back into my coconut brain. but the main thing was i didnt like seperations. and it feels kinda funny to know char’s gonna be gone for 3 years. of course she’ll be back for holidays, i told tony and myself that too. but its just different isnt it?
time flies.. we’ve known each other for like 7 years going 8. crazy times, happy times, sad times together.
anyway… i hope everything goes well for her

-friends-
this is for u goh kaishi.
was reading through my smses and i realised so many things over these few months. when i was down, confused, lost, crying, screaming… u were always there for me. without a single complain, listening to me and supporting me mentally.
u’re the one i can always crap with, talk with, argue with, fight with, laugh with, cry with. having you and peilin, the gvc group, edwin, tony, char, have been the best for me this life im sure. without u guys life would be so boring but i know just you specially, you’ve been the one giving me alot of motivation all these while.
surely.. im not as strong as i am on the surface. but thanks for always being there for me.
and u know like u once messaged me, me and peilin along with your family is ur assets. so u know.. i will always be here.
and if u shall fly to japan one day, i will fly over to korea and be neighbours with u!
and if u shall marry KK one day, i shall marry AJ just so as to company you!
and if u shall become a nun one day, i shall become a sister so as to go against u! (and i keep my hair!)
and u know that…
我们是彼此永远的反对党ok?
thank you for everything my angel
dont feel too mushy! wahahaha!

-bitch-
recently ive been a little on the patriotic side.. was talking to germaine last night, ah she just got singapore’s PR so now she has double nationality. i thought that was great!
ehs not to say im blabla or what.. im pretty proud of my singapore citizenship eh. even if i intend to further my life in korea, i dont think i will give up my sg citizenship. i know sg is small, we people are kiasu, kiasi and kialang… but i think we are a wonderful country. we appreciate what our players did for us and not like china. to them, 1 gold = achievement, silver and bronze is nothing but to us, we know silver or even bronze is an achievement.
and we dont scream at our lions to 下课 even though our soccer really sux to the core sometimes.
i know, i complain but i still support.
and i think korea will have this resident permit soon, sorta like a PR status, so that i get to keep my citizenship of sporean even if i move to kr for long term. hahahah!
ok in simple i can say,

i am proud to be a singaporean!
wondering why i say this? cause i see someone which made me kinda angry….

-bitch-
dang ye seo. korean name? yes. korean? no.
shes one of the players in the korea table tennis team, and ironically, shes chinese. from china, like li jia wei.
original name tang na.
i think its alright to play for another country since the competition in china made it almost harder den flying to reach the top.. just like li jia wei, feng tian wei, wang yue gu or li jie blablabla all those chinese whom are playing for other countries.. but what made me angry was.
she changed her name to dang ye seo. whats so wrong with keeping you own name even if u gain another country’s citizenship? if someone call 郝帅 can keep his name, or another call 杨维 can keep his name… why cant u? (really got players with such names ok!)
anyway… thats not the extreme.
after gaining korean citizenship, she tells the people. “韩国是我的祖国”. AKA, korea is my homeland.
girl, do u have any idea what is the meaning of homeland?

i know, i always wanna go to korea, learn korean. but i never thought of korea as my homeland, and i never thought about becoming 100% korean. i wanna gain citizenship there true but no way i will give up my name and call myself nam ji won for godness sake. limbu si nam yiwen.

i dunno why i feel so angry with her but i thought it was just stupid…..
why go to such extreme to hide your background?

i might have to worry about my sexuality soon.
because im starting to have a thing for girls! LOL.
just kidding, we all know me turning lesbian is the last possible thing on earth, but feng tian wei is so cute. nevermind that, i will NEVER turn homo! rawr!
i love guys!

yesterday.
li jia wei won, on to 4th round.
feng tian wei won, on to 4th round.
wang yue gu lost, but still im so proud of her.

kim kyung ah won, on to 4th round.
park mi young won, on to 4th round.
dang ye seo lost, sad because shes the most pretty actually :p

dont hv to mention china. i think we all know about them.
anyway… today wang nan is gonna play against park mi young. i hope park wins, do something to bring glory to korea!
if kim kyung ah wins today, and li jia wei wins, they will face each other next. i am scared -_-
if zhang yi ning wins, and feng tian wei wins, they will face each other next. i am not so scared since feng have won zhang before.
somehow, i hope and wish and pray singapore gets a 2nd medal, a gold of course is best. silver or bronze is good enough too. but whatever it is i think, team singapore did a wonderful job already.

im so proud of them
i asked ed to go airport with me fetch’em. i wanna take photo with feng tian wei! but hey, dont come back so soon ok?

off from olympics..
i think ive got a uniform fetish.
i was so addicted to mokomichi when i saw him in a sauna robe. LOL. wait is that an uniform? bleaghs…..

gonna sleep. goodnight world

but let me rant a little.
i think being in the china soccer team is a big stress. ive seen so many humiliating jokes against them, i wished… those fans can just go stand on the field themselves and win against brazil. maybe if they can do that, the china soccer team can too.

before u decide to put someone down, consider urself in that position and think if it’d turns out differently. because, u aint the one facing ronaldhino in front of a million crowd. china soccer true enough indeed is miles away from international standard but its not about the victories isnt it?

i support a team, i support a person. in any event lose or win, its just a result. its the process of seeing them do their best. dont say the china team didnt do their best, surely u aint in their shoes to consider if they did, are u? who doesnt wanna win a gold medal for their country? every team has its up and down. by cursing and cussing at liu xiang or li weifeng, or anyone else in that matter, do u think u are putting urself in a higher position? no, u are putting urself even lower.

if liu xiang ran, he’d be ruining himself, his career, his life.
at least he has the courage to back off despite knowing what he will have to face.
if the china soccer team didnt try their best, they can simply draw out of this tournament, why would they wanna disgrace themselves at home ground?
everyone on the field wants to win.
but there’d only be one material winner with the medal at the end.
however, everyone is a winner because they tried.

wang yue gu is my winner.

liu xiang stunned the world today.
i mean, he really did, by opting out of his 100m hurdles this morning. because of injury. was kinda disappointed… or rather shocked when ed called me to tell me that in the noon, im like WTF i was still so looking forward to him getting the gold….
but anyway cant help it ba, since its his old injury…..
anyway i screwed up the schedule.
yoo won chul’s man parallel bar final is tomorrow not today!
i hope he wins the gold medal!!! *cheers*

so tired now..
have to teach tomorrow liao
so damn sad can… tuesday again. sigh, time flies.
its a rainy day today.
i missed u, missed korea, missed ulsan today.

and fuck, its 19th again.

my right eyelid is jumping, since they say 左凶右吉 i think something good is gonna happen.
talking which…
singpapore table tennis team brought the silver home
its good enough, more den enough i think… china is really a strong opponent lo. we lose 3-0 but at least we managed to win 2 sets. and im starting to like feng tianwei more hahaha~
i love boyish girls but no i am perfectly straight!!!

caught the match on the bus to east coast today..
and we’re like changing seats just because we wanna watch the score at a closer range, so damn funny. some china people sitting beside us and i shouted 支持中国就回你老家去！when they alighted, so shuang =p

after that rushed to c.nai to finished up the match.
ate the ee mee and french toast, im starting to be scared of french toast liao.

gotta sleep.
goodnight world
please let something good happen.
oh and i read the story about feng tianwei, li jiawei and wang yuegu on newspaper. so sad can, wang yuegu story made me cry. sobx.

yoo wonchul will be going on the man’s parallel bar final tomorrow! all the best!
phelps gotten his 8th medal and broke the world record! grats!
but…. so what =(

im blogging here now as a proud singaporean right now. its kinda rare to see me saying such things like im proud of my nationality but today, i am.

our table tennis team, consisting of coach liu guo dong, players li jia wei, feng tian wei, wang yue gu and reserve sun bei bei has done us proud by bringing us singapore the first olympics medal in 48 years. given the fact that we’re only 43 years old now, our first and last medal was by tan how liang in 1960 before independence, and this day, we’ve all been looking forward to. packing home the first olympics medal after independence.

silver is good, gold is bonus. i think. singapore vs china tonight at 7.30pm, live on channel U (i surely pray the national day rally doesnt eat into this matchtime or i’ll be hitting my head against the wall). will be watching the match outside with peilin and the others, hopefully having something to look forward to.

china is a tough team but so long as we do our best.
TEAM SINGAPORE, WE ARE ALL PROUD OF YOU !

Maybe im pretty singaporean after all in times like this
im proud of my nationality right now, even though im still wishing im korean. maybe its like how the china players of singapore is proud of singapore despite being chinese

let’s look forward to our table tennis team bringing back the 2nd medal for singapore, be it silver or gold. WE ARE PROUD OF YOU

:]
maybe yesterday was kinda screwed for us but im glad we managed to talk it out. i know you care and im really happy to be able to be with you. i was sensitive, over-sensitive, inconsiderate and i promise i’ll try to be better from now..
lets work hard together.
I want to be someone you could be proud of.

很想把一切怪罪于你。
如果不是你伤害了我，也许我不会遇到他，也不会受到了第二次的伤害。
如果不是你放弃了我，我不会选择他结果爱上了他。
如果不是你背叛了我，也许我不会如此的无法信任他。

真的很想一切都怪罪于你，但是我做不到也不想。
难道我不应该怪自己吗？

Singapore’s wait for medal is finally over, we’re now guaranteed a silver in the woman’s table tennis after eliminating south korea in the semi-final this afternoon. man, i hadn’t cheered any team like this for a long time. was on conference with edwin and tony and we’re like screaming ‘SINGAPORE, SINGAPORE, SINGAPORE’ into the phone. and we made it

We’re gonna either face china (i guess most likely? since china is winning now) or hong kong in the finals. I know, afterall im a singaporean which is why i cheered for singapore rather than south korea. and im glad we won, we showed the world that Singapore can make it. felt a little touched by the winning… we tried so hard and finally, we’re there, standing on world stage. Aim for gold!

Feng Tian Wei was wonderful, i love her!

Wanted to go to guanyin temple today actually but halfway outside rushed home to finish the game. Will go tomorrow.. im so addicted to olympics these day.

Felt a little down today. What are we? What exactly are we? Have you ever thought about how i could feel, might feel and will be feeling? I wished you care more about me but sadly, it seems like you don’t. I find myself worrying about you, losing trust in you, losing faith in this situation. I feel like im drifting away, floating away, further and further from you. Is this what you want? If it is, yeah maybe its good enough. but if not, do something.

Before one day you find that i’m gone, i’d be gone too far to return.
and if you ever doubt so, im trying to forget what i ought not to remember.